“I am fascinated with the fantasy surrounding the behaviors involved with BDSM. I feel that the best sessions evolve from communication about the origin of one’s fantasies and how they currently manifest themselves.

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When asked if I am a sadist, I respond by saying that I am a consensual sadist. I would never inflict pain or discomfort on a perfect stranger for my own amusement. Rather, I inflict pain and discomfort on those who I have gotten to know me within the context of consensual BDSM. I take great delight in hurting you once the session is under way…”

– from the personal philosophy of The Vinyl Queen, a San Francisso based Dominatrix.

Find Her on facebook here. Follow Her on tumblr here.

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“In my youth I pressed to explore the psyche of myself and those around me. Of course this by default forced me to question many world religions, psychology practices, and philosophies. Through my personal search to find a philosophy that did not oppress one mentally or sexually, I found BDSM a mind-changing and training catapult into the deepest, darkest caverns of the human soul. I quickly came to realize the attributes of BDSM as a visionary quest into boundaries unseen, feared and unknown. In facing these beautiful mind-altering truths, I found the key to self-knowledge. In this way, one is pushed to one’s limits and beyond the lies which society has fed into the essence of what has become our dissonance which can then bring light to the dark chasm of learned disharmony. By unlearning the rights and wrongs of a world not our own, we can then bring about a balance within ourselves which we are usually unable to attain given so many inhibitions. In seeing the extreme of pain the human body can truly tolerate, we are then capable of mental beauty otherwise denied us due to religion, government, and other peoples’ value systems. By seeing what lies in the darkest heart of us, we become enlightened to its counterbalance of euphoric beauty.

An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one’s own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space.

~ *Shaman Kalweit*

Whether it’s a spiritual journey of self enlightenment or a psychological quest for understanding I undertake each scene with the commitment to each individual goal. There are many approaches to BDSM and I realized long ago that the only differences are typically terminology. I do not tend to get hung up on semantics as to Me psychology and spirituality are synonymous. One person may indulge the sensuality of a scene while another may focus on the intellectual intrigues. I see no difference as one may lead to the other and usually does, even if only subconsciously. With a background in body arts/modification, spirituality, psychology, theater, literature and physical exploration each of these concepts merge into a immensely gratifying and explorative BDSM world for Me. One scene may be playful while the next extremely insightful, depending on the submissive and the needs, desires and goals of that scene.

There are a lot of misguided people who fear the idea of BDSM. People fear the unknown and that which they cannot understand because anything foreign to their up bringing is seen as wrong and unnatural. People fear that which they innately are: balanced. Instead, they choose to live in denial and repress all their tendencies for rough sex or stinky feet. These things build within people and are then manifested in their daily lives. Through exploration of the mind and body we can become more balanced and in tune with our natural state of being, which is a state of light and dark with many shadows between.”

Manifesto of Domina Carmen, “Seattle’s Exotic Latex Mistress.”

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Although I enjoy formalities and protocol I’m not a parody of a Domme, but a real person with a passion for Dominant BDSM and fetish. I am strict regarding rituals and formalities as a means to enhance the D/s experience and tone.

BDSM (bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission, sadism/masochism) is an interplay that requires the surrendering of power by the submissive to a capable partner. How we experience BDSM, and the meanings we give to various types of play are as individual as we are.

As a Domme possessing a mercurial nature, my interests are varied, but taking control of you is always the mission. I will guide our journey through the depths of your submissive psyche, and safely return you wanting and waiting for the time we again discover new thrilling places.

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Thursday Therapy: What about psychology in BDSM?

Really.  Really? 

As I let you know in the first book:  “The extent that I care anything at all about who you are or where you’re coming from or whatever your psychological motivation, spiritual orientation, physical compulsion might be in engaging my services is bound up in my own professional standard of excellence.” 

But that’s Me.  And in your world at any given moment, I am the only one whose opinion matters to you in that moment.   

Like right now. 

Technically, psychology is the study of the mind, AKA your “psyche,” AKA your mental functions from whence the term evolved.  Psychologists seek to understand how what you process mentally is connected to behavior.  They also examine how your biological makeup plays into what you ultimately think and how you behave, like whether some people are truly “born” to be submissive or dominant. 

Context, kiddos, context. 

With psychology, BDSM has mostly been treated in varying degrees of deviance as shaped by something people who use big fancy words like to call societal norms.  And, what we considered deviant yesterday, like interracial relationships, becomes acceptable, or at the very least “normal.” 

I already talked about how the definitive reference source for “mental health” professionals, the DSM diagnostic manual continues to update itself as O/our concept of psychological “disorder” changes with the times.  See My previous Thursday Therapy entry:  To kink or not to kink. 

From the outside looking in, BDSM is “dangerous” or “scary.”  And, what kind of freak of nature are you (?) the people sitting in their own glass houses ask.  (It’s not really a question…) 

Jennifer Sweeton, who writes for Psychology Today in “Out of the Ordinary,” a blog dedicated to “the latest insights into sexploration, alternative relationships, and different ways of loving,” explores how BDSM seems to be generally perceived by the psychological mainstream.  In her article, “What’s dangerous about BDSM? BDSM: Loving, dangerous, or deviant?”  she affirms:  “By asserting that the inclusion of S&M in sex precludes a person from experiencing love, the article is endorsing the idea that there is only one way to love.” 

Ahhh…love.  That is what it all comes back to. 

Hush, My dear little one, your protests don’t mean a thing to Me. 

If you ever had or dare ever have any question, here’s the reminder I clearly state on the very first page of the first book:   

I’m not a hooker. 

Does it turn Me on to see you suffer through My creative indignities?  Yes.  And, as I go on to clarify for you in chapter six of the first book,If you’ve made it this far:” 

“In My business, what you pay for is the privilege of turning over your power to Me, (which inevitably involves humiliation.)  A power exchange does involve sexual energy.  It is a mutual turn-on.  And, a form of sexual release can, and often does, occur – for both of U/us.  However – it’s a hell of a lot of work to properly deal with someone else’s helplessness.  Exhausting sometimes.” 

And, if you’re smart, you know that My personal motto is: 

This will hurt – love the pain. 

So, back to O/our topic at hand – what about psychology in BDSM? 

Since you pay for the privilege of being privy to My thoughts when you buy My books …  I aim to hurt you as it suits Me.  I especially enjoy doling out My loving discipline in the ways you are so obviously begging for – that you so obviously need. 

Do I know for sure what you’re thinking when W/we are having our special little lovemaking sessions? 

you better know the answer to that one, you sniveling little asshole. 

A solid steady workout doing work I enjoy is the culmination of a lovely day.  Having My patience tested is not. 

Enough already.  Here’s the fucking answer:  whether I ultimately know what’s going on in your psyche is irrelevant to the context of the GOOD PARTs we share. 

What kind of professional would I be if I didn’t train you properly to ultimately think what I dictate to you?  However, as I’ve also clarified for you before, and – O. M. FUCKING. G. – how often do I have to fucking repeat Myself before you learn properly? 

(Don’t answer that.  It’s not really a question.) 

I only deal in willing submission.  Training you to think My way is not the same as kicking your will out to the highway.  you must always have a will in order to be able to submit.   

Listen up.   

As you go through your day with any number of bosses, co-workers, friends, neighbors, relatives or lovers trying to get into your head:  “No matter how helpless you let yourself feel on any given day, know this:  no one can ever take your power away from you.  you can only submit and give your power away.  Even with a gun held to your head your will is your own.” 

(Again, see chapter six of the first book.) 

Think for yourselves, kiddos.  And, go show yourselves some love – even if it is painful.  Slaps and kisses.

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Hats off to the KAPs among U/us –

If you stick a light bulb up your ass – that’s your choice.

I prefer light bulbs appear over my head.

Much. Better. Choice.

(Why yes, I am qualified to deliver any number of opinions, silly rabbit…)

Point being, any number of scenarios come into play when you choose to enlighten your anal region in such a manner.  It could get stuck there irretrievably (at least by you).  It might burn out requiring a replacement bulb.  Or, you may wish to redesign the whole lightbulb-up-the-ass configuration.

And on, and on, and on…

Wouldn’t it be nice to know who to go to for light bulb removal, light bulb replacement, or light bulb redesign?  Don’t you wish there were a list of such professionals who wouldn’t “tsk, tsk, tsk” you when you appear bearing otherwise lighted fruit from your human fertilizer spout?

Well there is.  The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom currently maintains an online listed directory of Kink Aware Professionals.

Originally started to provide kink-sensitive therapy options, by Los Angeles based private-practice psychotherapist, Guy Baldwin, the list grew when Race Bannon, a well-known figure in the BDSM world took over managing it.  Not only can you now find any number of therapists who can talk you through the trauma generated by your compulsion to stick light bulbs where the sun don’t shine, you can find accountants who will willingly breakdown the cost of said light bulb usage over the long term.

So, my darling little kinksters, take your hats off to all those professionals who have dared to step out of the darkness of the closet and into the well-lighted list.

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